Hello guys. I decided to write a post because I'm not feeling good right now. Just a quick update, yesterday my best friend Iman came here surprising me. I just heard some knocks from my window but I was still day dreaming on the bed. Too bad, I didn't lock the window so she just like opened it and shouted at me to freaking open the door haha. Wallahi I felt like it's a dream since I was really in a deep sleep and I thought that it's absurd for her to come see me here. Apparently, she had to drive approximately 3 hours just to get here. So, it's kinda ridiculous that she made her time to see me here.

But hey! I'm in reality dude. She really did come?! I remember that I immediately cried when I hugged her because it's been so long that we haven't met each other and I missed my best friend so much. The other thing that makes me even sad is because I'm here alone without my friends. It's mainly because I have some stuffs to settle down (other people involved aren't in the same block as mine). So, I'm really alone and lonely and I really can't do anything because all I did was cry and cry. I can't say that this is an anxiety attack because I don't know. But what I feel is outrageous and sometimes it's really hard to breathe because I feel very empty and I got no one to talk about it here. So, someone's presence could make me so happy and I can breathe easily finally. Even if it's just for one day, it brought a lot of changes in my progress. I mean, it's really hard to tell. So yesterday, I didn't feel lonely and scared to sleep at night. I'm not scared of the people or the ghosts, but I'm scared of my own thoughts that it feels so empty, it's like I'm soulless. So today, she went back home, and again I'm drowning in loneliness again. I just feel so sad that I miss home, I miss my family and I miss my friends.

That was the moment where I knew that I was very weak, mentally and emotionally. But Alhamdulillah somehow along the way, He sent me good people to accompany me for awhile and distract me from darkness.

Just a post

Assalamualaikum. I just dont feel good today, like I'm having a breakdown and I am mentally and emotionally unstable. If you never feel it, you just cannot understand this situation. So hard to explain.. but what can I say, it's like you're done with everything.

I am having some problems and it's too private that I cant tell about it here. But the thing is I'm feeling so lonely now as I'm alone in the college. I feel empty so much. I cried all day all night thinking about home and family. I'm so so family-person so it's just so hard to be alone like this. I'm just very sad that I can't tell my family about it. It's embarrassing and I'm not the one who really tells all her stories to her mum. Till then

Sad and Happy lol?

Hi??? uhmm everyone?? I know I shouldn't be writing now, I SHOULD BE STUDYING YES I KNOW. But I think I really really need to express this because it's just so hard to tell somebody about this as I'm so bad at expressing things. And I think I'm good at writing (more like scribbling). But anyway, is it true that you can feel happy and sad at the same time? (lmao it's just like the song by Kacey Musgraves (cause Im happy and sad at the same timeeee~~~~ you got me smiling with tears in my eyes~~~~)) But it's the truth guys!!!

Wait. Is it because of pms? I think so. My emotional lately was kinda haywired. It's stressful. But thats not my main thing here. It's just about my feeling. and also my feeling. I do feel happy, but I do feel sad at the same time. There I said it. Reasons? I wont be telling here if I know the reasons. lmao I'm so complicated.

Bye guys~ I dont know what to say anymore. My writing lately is getting rubish-er. I need ideas and a good place to write!!! and of course, a cuppa coffee or hot chocolate. Bye guys~

saD

You know when you're feeling sad without reasons? YES. I've been constantly reminding myself that when it happens, just remember that it's time of the month. It means that you are heading to your menstrual period. And when I checked the calendar, it's effing true. I hate myself during that time. I'm so emotionally unstable. Please love me more :(

Back at it again

Hi guys. I am super duper tired  as I was just back from tennis training. Guess what? I joined this year’s inter batch game again...... And also, I realized that I suck at playing it. I guess it just isn’t my forte. Just now, I played so bad like a total newbie. You know what did I feel just now? It was so heartbreaking as it didn’t turn out well. I felt so sad and I wanted to cry out loud. I felt like a burden to them. I’m so scared for the upcoming game. God knows how nervous and embarrassed I am. I don’t know what else could I do to improve myself. But yea, imagine that I haven’t played for like a year and then I made a bad comeback. Lol I highkey think that I shouldn’t join at the first place. I should just give this chance to other person. Oh well I think I’m just gonna cry for the rest of the night and tomorrow morning, I’ll be back training. Till then. Brb *crying.