Jun 10, 2018

Raya Mode ONNNN

Assalamualaikum everyone!

Don't ask me where I am. 'Cause I'm still struggling here in my uni preparing mentally and physically for the upcoming finals right after eid, which is on 26th of June. Prepared enough? Nah, only God knows how nervous I am. Still, earlier today, I felt like puking and stuffs because I've digested medical facts too much. Spirochetes is more like spiroshits. Whatever it is, forget about study for a while.

Luckily, I don't feel homesick at all. It's just that I'm just patiently waiting for raya. Oh, most of my friends have already went to their hometown because our class officially finished. But as for me, I don't even think I'd be studying at home. Thinking of doing house chores, baking kuih raya, raya preparation, it's all tiring and for sure, I'd not even touch my lecture notes. That is why I planned of going back a little bit late. But it's totally fine. It's cool here, it's all quiet, and calming, and satisfying. I could sing as loud as I want, dancing on my own, taking shower in a completely clean bathroom, karaoke in the shower, listening to the music as lunatic as it be.

Guess what? I only have one baju raya because I basically don't have much time for that. Probably on the second day of raya, I'll be locking my self in my room, studying. Call me geek, but I live for this. This is my choice, and it will be like this till the rest of my life. *crying to see my future*. Nonetheless, InsyaAllah it will be good, like real good! Have faith Put!

Talking about current obsession, I easily get attached to movies and stuffs. Right now, everyone including me is kinda hype about Samarinda Nur on tv3. Lol, been watching 4 episodes in a day just to catch up with the current episode. It's a very good drama because it portrays a real situation, a real judgemental mentality of people nowadays. Being those holier-than-thou, pious people, it doesn't mean that y'all are guaranteed to enter the paradise, and being a daughter of a prostitute, it is not even written on her fate that being in hell is her ending. Because what? People only judge on what they see and they listen. They don't even see the good ones praying, they don't even see the munafik ones doing some gigolo stuffs at the lorong. (Based on the drama). So yea. You can't judge people easily.

Talking about being judgemental, I have a few friends whom I feel uncomfortable to get attached to. They basically always have a bad thought on people that they dislike. And they assume things that they're not sure about. Imagine being a listener to that stuffs, 1) you can ignore it but your friends must be annoyed with you, acting angelic out of sudden or 2) you had to agree everything that your friends say. I've always stuck in between. I don't wanna be labelled as  'bajet alim' and also, I don't wanna join into their 'discussion' on judging people. But little do you know, I'm far from hurting anyone's feeling, so I just keep quiet when they talk, and I don't even say yes or no. I think that's the best?
No, that's not the way. Stop doing that and try not to even participate in the conversation. InsyaAllah, together we avoid on being talking bad about people around. It's like eating your own friends' flesh and blood. Nauzubillahminzalik.

Back to Nur drama, I suggest you to watch it since it's so good, so meaningful for me. I even cried in some episodes. P/s: I easily cry so yea.

Last but not least, Selamat Hari Raya in advance! Maaf zahir dan batin.

May 11, 2018

Pre-Mini Test

Bismillahirahmanirahim.

Hey there. It seems like everyone is not done with GE14 yet. Oh well? So do I. One by one has been exposed. Hashtag spill the tea. 

Anyhow, it's a brand new day, new Malaysia, I really really hope this country is really going towards a better nation. Not only with the manifestos, but of course with the people itself. I can't even describe how proud I am of this recent election. For the first time ever, this kind of thing happens here. Before this, I was not so aware about this political issues and stuffs but anyhow, we all grow up right? Whatever it is, it's surely our responsibility in choosing the best leader of all. So, if you are one of those people who says "hm nah, these politic stuffs are not my thing", then you're the worst kind of people. 

Nevertheless, having different opinions and sides of political parties doesn't have to keep everyone apart. When it comes to work or personal matter, put that aside. Everyone can choose, everyone has their own side but try to not put that in the very first thing in your daily work. 

By the way, I'm in my college while my friends and my family members are currently enjoying their one week holiday at home. Homesick strikes so bad. Anyhow, there's a reason why I came back earlier than everybody else. I got a mini test on this Tuesday and my knowledge is just 30% currently. My level of stupidity and procrastination is just so high, reaching to the infinity. Medical school is one hell of a ride. Lol. Haven't even reached the end of year 1 but the feeling is catastrophic. 

Currently we are studying about bacteria, parasites, virus and so on. Another thing is about drugs, specifically pharmacology. It's too much. The name itself is nonsense. Can't even say it right. I salute them, pharmacy students. 

Reaching to the end, it's good to be alive now, to really witnessing this victory of the people, now they realize and see the power of people. My level of happiness is ridiculously high. Alhamdulillah. I can't wait for the good things to be happened next. Here's to a new Malaysia! 

Apr 29, 2018

Towards the end of April

Bismillahirrahmanirahim.

I always see things without thinking deeply and not in a mature way in which I tend to easily assume things to be happened the way I feel. It's totally wrong. I realize that it shouldn't be that way. Confidence is the key. Over confidence can kill it. No confidence? You'll prolly drown.

I once tell here that I did badly for my first block of examination. And the result was very very bad. That was one hell of a ride. I'd call it a phase of depression (not a clinical one lol). It was just disturbing my mind and my conscience as I was so down, so scared and was having very low self esteem. But as time passed by, I tried to find back my spirit and there you go, a unicorn vibes come creeping in (haha kidding), I don't know how it happened. But, surely I became more confident with my self. I tried to push myself closer to Him and make dua' as frequent as possible, do Hajat prayer when I have time. Because with effort itself, you can't get what you want.

With that, I managed to improve a lot, even though it's not that much, but for me, it's very good enough for me. My mom tells me that if everyone else can do, why couldn't I? I quite disagree with this statement because everyone has their own limit and thinking. Mine is slower. But, that pushes me to put in way more effort so my thinking could be same as theirs. That's the logic behind that.

Anyway, I'm praying for all of us to be able to endure our year 1 successfully and get into year 2 with a good result. Surely we can. :) Assalamualaikum.

Apr 20, 2018

Sarcastic People yay or nay?

Hello everyone!

This time around, I’m updating my blog while I’m at home!!!! It feels real good to be here where there’s no problem and drama and the best thing is spending my time with my fam. That’s good enough wallahi.

One quick question, do you like sarcastic people? For me, there are two types of them. The first one is the one who’s being sarcastic intelligently in a fun way while the one who does sarcasms in a very annoying and cruel way is for the latter. I, myself personally loathe the latter one cause it hurts me every single way and I dont think it shows intelligence right there? It’s like you make fun of people and you tell them in a very subtle but cruel way. It’s not healthy you know. Instead of being sarcastic all the way, why don’t you tell them directly and confront everything.

The way I react to this kinda people is just ‘do your poker face’ and don’t mind them cause they’re just wasting my time. There’s no point on talking and feeling hurt cause that’s the way they are. They’d do it over again unless if they change. For now, dont worry be happy, do good and be patient. Remember that Allah is always and always with the patient ones. Ameen.

Apr 7, 2018

A quick one, really

This is a quick one.

I know that I'm weak, emotionally and physically. I often fall sick, almost have gastritis every day, often overthink, often feel sad (with or without reason) but that's the way I am. Can't get rid of it but slowly and surely, I can endure it.

Anyway, I recently had a quite emotional phase where I had some kind of problem. So yea, I sought help from my little sister cause she was the only one who was free at that moment. Mom was basically busy cause she's working so I didn't want to interrupt her. It's just a simple thing, but the moment that my sister was willing to help me to run the errand by WALKING quite a distance just to get it done. Wallahi, my tears rolled down my cheeks like rivulets. I felt really touched.

Thus that made me realize that I was really weak. (read: still weak). Just a small thing Put, yet you still cried a river. I had 5 tissues wasted on that. The reason behind that: 'terharu'. blugh, I need to learn to be strong.

Addition: I think by having loads of work to be done by this week, adds to the 'emotional me'. Too much guys. I have the list if you want to see:

1) PBL presentation for session 2
2) Dakwah bureau stuffs
3) Microbiology lab report
4) UNGS assignment
5) Leadership stuffs
6) Volunteer stuffs

Yet, I feel annoyed of those who keep asking and asking for the things. It's not yet the deadline, but they seem eagerly want it. Patience is the key to everything. So, sabar. There's this one point where I wanna leave the whatsapp groups for a while cause it's too much. They enter like thousands of bullet. And I'm not bulletproof. *sigh*

Pray for Put so she can handle all of this with sabr and sincerity. Ameen.