Dec 31, 2015


Hello. First off, happy new year! I hope for a better one in this 2016 yea more blessings. I dont know what should i feel right now. I am not quite happy because i cant just leave my memories in '15 to be faded away, just like that. Whether they were the bad one, or the good one. I just missed the memories that ive been through out all the year. 

The funniest part is, i wished my best friends at the peak hour, which was at 0000. And yea because i love them, with all my heart. But, i just got one from my former indian friend. He just sent me a new year wish and just that. Yea not to mention their reply wish, hehe i got that but right after i wished first. I am kinda sad and i dont even know why. Early 2016 is not as good as early 2015. I feel, lonely? yup, i need someone to unlonely me haha? well, i just need to hit the sack and hope for a better dream right but come on, it is new year dude, you should not give your body a comforting comforter and pillows. Well the movies are hell boring and i havent get back my hard disk. Its already 2016 dude, when do you want to return bak my hard disk, moron. Uh, everyone sucks.. I am honestly, genuinely hate right now. It is just super boring, and everyone was hell busy with their smartphone, and I dont hv one (yea excluding whatsapp. just whatsapp. i just hv that in my phone since i lost my cell last year). Perhaps i should read a book. :( something is just not right. and it ruins my kind of new day, new year? bye guys, hv a blast.

Dec 29, 2015

Page 364/365

I am truly not believing this whole thing. Seriously dude, well I never thought that it would be so fast. Im gonna be 18!! I can watch 18+ movies and i dont need to sneak in. I can drive!!! Naww I havent go for the 6 hours talk for my car license yet. So slow and pathetic. I remember that my first day in 2015 was a little bit awful in which i had a diary and i wrote every single thing in it. I still have it though. During my toughest time at school, i would write everything that happened, what did i experience, what ive been through all the day in the journal. Im pretty sure tht your guys name were in there too. Bye Im not going to buy it for 2016. Well I think nothing will be come out in this year. Perhaps ill be enrolled into the college in the second half of the year 2016. So before that time, I guess Ill be staying at home doing nothing like, right now. I want to work, but i dont have a job. People are too judgemental, that some of them want to hire the non muslim one, the free hair one. Whats going on with Malaysia oh my god. It was quite surprising but predictable. Ive gone through this bookstore, and the manager said that they need only the non muslim one, but sadly the manager is a muslim, wearing hijab as well. okay perhaps it was full already yeah tryna be husnudzon but my i cant handle my temper tantrum.  Ive been looking through out the mall, there is no job vacancy, not even one. Just a few small kiosk. So okay, I gave them my cell number but nah i didnt get any calls or texts. Maybe bcs its chinese. yeah maybe i shouldnt go to work at this stage of ages, maybe i should stay at home and enjoy while im still free and not yet married. lol? It is kinda sad that some people that i was so close to is not here, they're not staying with me celebrating new year, no new years wish, the people that were close to me at the early 2015 is no longer here at the early 2016. I wonder, why they came if they already planned to leave? This is unfair isnt it? :(  Happy 2016 in advance! Any goals? Getting fit. 

Sep 19, 2015

Yeah you say you're just a friend. 
Yea you say youre just a friend. 

A part in 'say youre just a friend' by Austine Mahone.

HI!!!! I already finished my trial. And the result was okay. Not so good and not bad at all. I mean, sbp papers were quite tough, nope really tough! But, thats not the barrier on getting an A+. Just, just approximately 45 days left to reach the actual test. Im gobsmacked. 

So...I guess i should stop writing and back to the track. BYE.

Jul 14, 2015

fivers lets get busted



Jun 26, 2015

My Very First One in '15

Thank God it's weekend.
Cause you know, for the students, weekend is so heaven. Heaven on earth. Yea, salam ramadhan kareem. :)
How i wish i could spend the entire ramadhan at home. Sadly, just left approximately 130 days for me to be in that school. After this, no more school atmosphere. I'm gobsmacked and scared too... Im scared of those challenging tough life after school life. Life, is still a life. Still as complicated  as differentiation in Addmaths. InsyaAllah straight a's would absolutely be mine if i work hard for it. Ganbatte for me!

As today was my first tarawikh at home, so i felt kinda excited!!!!! Yea, please take note that when we performed our tarawikh in Seratas, it was scorching hot and everytime after end of two rakaah, i have to wipe the sweats there will be sweat stains on my telekung, and everyone will be yucks. So, this time, even in a surau, they still have air-cond. It was a relief. So, this time, just me, myself and I. LOL no, there were my 2 sisters and my only little brother which he is only 10 but his body got him like seven. Unlike me, my friends insisted that i had gigantism. Sorry babe, it was hell rude but i dont mind at all because you all got dwarfism right? So, when we girls entered the women part, the aunties all stared at us. Yea new face, new body, they must be so wondering who are these specky sisters. 

Some would think that im a friendly one. Honestly, YES. Even with the makciks, i could set the conversation on fire. One of them kept asking us this that and those. So, i answered everything. There was one part that she asked about menantu and so on. Lol I barely knew her..... I know it was a kinda joke. So, i didnt mind at all as well. But there was one thing which was slightly different with the way we pray in seratas. As everyone knows, we should stand in the saf as close as possible so that there is gonna be no boundary and spaces between us. No satan could even interupt. Sadly, what i found in the surau, the spaces were too obvious.They didnt even care to cover the spaces. I wondered, was it really 'sah'? 

Frankly, i didnt feel much comfortable with that. So there was one girl, beside me. I dont know whether shes younger or older but she looked younger than me. After the first 2 rakaah, she asked me to move away a bit because she had a real struggle sitting during tahyatul akhir. And... what was that. Isnt it we're supposed to pray as close as we could. Uh, so i just smiled and made a bizarre face. 

I swear at that time, all i thought about was my boarding school. I miss praying in the surau, lmao it has just been 5 hours since i left the school and ill be back on this sunday. Stupid plan  but i have to obey it. Pre-doom's day is coming oh yeah. 

At about 10.15 we waited for mama to fetch us. but sadly,  she was not coming at all. It was so awkward and i decided to walk home :D so we walked ok. 200 metres with the high bushes next to us. It was kinda spookie. You know we're not supposed to be there. But we did it of course. Just in the nutshell, i felt so lethargic today, tomorrow and forever. For God sake, leave me alone.

Jun 6, 2015

Out for a week ssup

  • Powerbank /
  • Powder /
  • Lipbalm /
  • Socks /
  • Telekung /
  • Fake eye lashes X
  • Matte Lipstick X
  • High Heels Stilettos X
  • Pure Seduction VS /
  • Sneakers /
  • Wig X
  • Luggage X
  • Backpack /
  • Earphone /
  • Homework //
  • Paper Towns ( just in case ) /
  • Intelligence /
  • Dignity /
  • Weakness X

You know what guys? I dont even ready for this. And mom said 'okay we're out for a week. pack your things. bring your homework too. just in case you will be real fatigue on saturday. and on sunday honey you'll be back home. i mean your real home.' residential school. is. so. exciting. i. cant. wait. 

it is 'change'. not 'chains'. nick jonas is mine.

Here. Let me tell you guys. 
okay. A person who is being friendly saying 'hi' and all those simplest yet littlest things, a person who's being politely asking something hilarious. well that person is called 'tiny little desperate'. now can you explain it to me?

what an absurd mentality of some adults nowadays. come on guys. Being friendly is not that flirting kinda way. youre just being too overthinking. he/she didnt have any hidden point on being friendly to you. im telling you here because ive gone through this for a few times.

your overthinking just keeps us away beneath. pop. it's just gone. look. im trying to break the awkwardness of us. So, let me just being kinda extroverted just to make sure that we're super fine. now are you fine? nope. go die. okay pls be alive back.

just, sometimes, i know that you're trying to express 'babe, no offense' 'bruh dont get me wrong' 'lol just kidding'. But your 'just kidding' is way true. you did say no offense but i found it's an offensive way on 'steps to avoid puteri'.

#1 how to avoid puteri
#2 i have to avoid puteri
#3 she is super clingy. i must ignore her.

taraaa. trust me, you could be a well-known author one day. THE CLINGY PUTERI (bestseller bruh). 

Listen. People do change right. But why? Why did they act differently to me. stupid isnt it. lol obviously, i felt like youre a stranger to me. the boundary. isnt it too wide open? me >>>>> you. too big. just stop being a stranger please guys. i dont know who're the 'guys'. but if you feel tht youre a part of the 'tryna-be-stranger-dude', pls i urge you to staph. just STAPH. its hell obnoxious..

yeah i despair somehow. i cant find the sincerity in yours. how i trust you, i mean you were so genuine when we're good. i didnt say that we're not good now. we're just ________ zero chemistry. im perplexed somehow. 

I hate to see people changing for no reasons. and i dont know the reasons too. and you didnt tell me the reasons to. you must hv at least 13 reasons why to change. AT LEAST. perhaps im too gullible. sucks. being kind to people is so freaking.. i dont know. you might think tht im such a cynic but thats the way how people treat me sometimes. it's normal right. isnt it? lol this isnt a hostility in cyber.

one more, stop being a wholly stranger to me. youre boring me. and i hate that. so please. stop making my temper tantrums to explode. holla.

Jun 4, 2015


  • 19 YOU & ME-DAN & SHAY
  • LOVE ME LIKE YOU DO-ELLIE GOULDING (i bet you've watched 50 shades uh-uh-)
  • THINKING OUT LOUD-ED SHEERAN (dont tell me if you dont know this one. dont ever talk to me-not until you give me ed's album)

Jun 3, 2015

biology? biology.

well you know what people
i have made the worst mistake in my entire life
it's too private to talk here
whatever it is
i wasnt supposed to tell it to a guy
a guy who isnt my mahram
im truly embarrassed for myself
till then
i know somehow its kinda funny
but its too humiliating for a girl
to spill to a guy
i laughed too
perhaps to cover my silliness 
but i swear it was a mistake
the word that i used to learn it in Biology
the only halal period to use that word
if you know what i mean
i wanna delete that daft moment 
and bury it beneath the lava
merepek do

Jun 1, 2015

juicy. so juicy.

I did tell you about reincarnation right?
well yes, ive read a book about it. its not that the whole book is about reincarnation. a part of it. but the most attracting thing that ive discovered is about the one. the true love. lol you must think that im such a kid whos trying to be like a real adult whos talking about the one. i wont kid myself people.

so what ive read is not in the history text book nor biology textbook. Reincarnation happened when a soul, i repeat, 1 soul reborn in 2 different body. in a different generation in a different family. obviously, they wont know their  past lives. but what im so eager about is their soulmate. their soulmate will be the same soul as their past lover. but the thing is they dont even know in which body that the soul came in. Interesting right? 

first off, its about the soulmate. when you feel happy and you can be yourself when youre with him, i mean the guts to act like a dumb blonde is there, so he is the one. But im wondering, what if he feels the opposite way as she feels. its complicated somehow so, i tried to figure it out and i found that it was a dead end. we will never know the real feeling of our loved one. until they speak up the truth, genuinely. So, whats that book? it's 'love at second sight'. i cant totally get over it. if feels like im the girl and i try to trigger out which is the one. i completely not understand about someone that has mixed juicy feelings. sometimes, they can be so kind to us. sometimes, they act like a totally stranger. i found that it is kinda eerie. they can change drastically whenever they want or not. 

you know when you have that kind of gobsmacked feeling but then it doesnt happen. anticipation doesnt get in your lucky side bruh. im writing this bcs i hate a part of my life. not all. some part of it that i feel so tired, i could say that im lethargic of being an idiot hoping for the things that arent coming. lol its not a kinda sigh. i dont know where to vomit all of ths bs they will always judge. okay ill listen but not about the things that i didnt even do. ssup.

May 31, 2015


I'll let you set the pace 
Cause im not thinking straight

tell me im lame. i dont care.

I was home approx at 4 yesterday. 4 weeks been tormented with loads of works and killer papers yep they were killing me drastically. I got just 2 or 3 more test before the big one. spooky right? I never thought that ill embark this phase. I mean i didnt realise that ive been moving through a year of stupendous pains. i was in pain. 2014 was a really tough year for me. there were too much of new stuff that i had to adapt. But i did it. ongrats (short cute shortform for congratulations)

this is not a form of sigh. sigh. sigh. i hate when people tell me to not to complain whereas i just told them about my 'exciting' life out there and all they say is just stop complaining can ya. 

mengeluh okay. tak mengeluh pun. nak cakap je. too much of judgement ke ko yang tengah dalam phase psychic ni. lol well i dont have much to say just HOME IS THE BEST PLACE AFTER ALL walaupun selalu gaduh dengan budak2 kat rumah ni. whatever they never tell me to shut up unlike youuuuuu bye

May 3, 2015

in the phase of 'love me like you do'

Hi there?
This is not fair! I only have 2 days at home whereas ive been tormented for about 2 months at school this is not fkfair!
i didnt even bring homework, books and everything. form 5 life is about holding books all the time. once mom caught me without any book (even 50 shades of grey) she will be blabbing saying all those nonsense stuff about future (she wanted me to be a doctor so bad insyaAllah). But i am trying. its not as simple as you think since i just got 60 for me biology. its awful to be one. not to mention that my physics was sixth feet underground. 

well actually i dont know how to attract people with interesting entries. Honestly, im not a good writer but i can write about my pathetic life in which shit happens everyday. stupid isnt it? im sick of busybees busybodies. they are hella annoying. 

i dont have anything to write because im all tiredand i want to pack my things, charge my phone, daydreaming, yknow what? thats the only thing that can make me happy. daydreaming. it is not too bad. but by imagining something, you tend to release your freaking stress up to 60% (this is my own fact). ive experienced this somehow. uh okay bye i need to find my stuff out there and idk where did put those. whatever 

May 2, 2015

I wrote this on 19th March just fyi

So, i guess its already 12 and im sitting here like heck waiting for an internet connection but nayy. mom shutted off the wifi for a month?! and she asked us to subscribe internet plan in our smartphones. The heck is that i dont have one so bye.. You want to know the funniest part? Im writting now in notepad because of no internet connection. So, you would be shock if you see this post published on the wrong time. yea, wrong timing.

I feel like ive just unpacked my stinky stuff and now is already thursday? fk that. smh. fk is freak kid. or you assume that its the bad word. yeah. i was just cursing. sorry. f-u-c-k? is that the correct spelling? im innocent idk. seriously, im not writting a double meaning post so, that f-u-c-k is not what i meant. SERIOUSLY. im so genuine. thanks again. welcome. no biggie. my pleasure. UH i hate my life..

Im scared that i will not pass my physics, bio, and chemistry. im not so confident with my addmaths but my trust in sir mano.. ha ha ha. kinda. the fact that i never failed my addmaths paper so i think its the best cure for my doubt. i mean no doubt, insyaAllah. So far, my modmaths and history paper were good. i never thought that i would get so excellent in those killer subjects (not so killing but they are all killing me slowly). could i get applause? ok lets play hide and clap. 

my life in 5 suria ( which they call the kelas langit followed by kelas bumi, kerak bumi and so on). I dont know. im not so happy. and im not too sad. i have my best buddies to gossip with but i cant find the sincerity in socializing with them (except my girls). well maybe yes and maybe no. i found tht im lack of chemistry between some of the guys or gals. idk pls help me. i sit at the back of the class with the sleepyhead girls so that is soooo acceptable. we make jokes, we laugh, we do gossip, so dont you ever call us _the passive girls behind_ whatever. yes, there were some guys calling us that way. it was stupid seriously. your mentality is beneath your existence. or you never exist now tell me that. idiot la you.

do you have a problem with your whatsapp contacts? well i do!!! a lot. its my luck that ive no internet connection that they cant contact me through social media but i do have hotspot partner. twehee. so, i guess there is no excuse to not reply my text. i mean blue ticks are hella obvious so no doubt. there are two things:

1) they've seen it but they forgot to reply.

2) they've seen it but they assume that im such the last person in their -the-most-important-person-list-. so, maybe after 2 years ahead, they will keep in view my text, or hella delete it im such that rubbish huh fk that. (i told you fk doesnt mean so bad it is freak kid). 

Seriously, everyone!!!?? would you please reply my text. Yass i need attention. im sick of this kinda people who doesnt know how to reply one's text. you better throw away your fking iphone or else give it to me. im just kidding. it is your right to give a reply or not. yeah. im so lame. lame put lame. at school, they call me lame. esp bat! shes the one who i treat as the most freaking stupid gal but shes my babe and i love her. shes kinda short but hv a pair of nice legs (i mean short and beautiful). shes the one who understands me. shes the one who gives me the tips on facing my lad. the perfect thing is shes so genuine. no fake in her life dictionary so fakers go away.ok back to the lazies who dont reply mine. sobs. is there any award for a lone ranger? i would be the winner. sigh. 

so just now, we went to mydin mall to buy my rations. and there you go when i was at the counter paying for those things, the woman who was on duty was HELLA WEIRD. she looked at me in a serious way (plus the ghost and horror face she made uh i feel awkward and awful) Shes an indian. so, i was daydreaming about the woman who was in a movie called blabla (shes a ghost and the ghost looked like the cashier alot so i screamed inside). and then i smiled to her, and she didnt smile back and she looked at me for a about 10 seconds with the freaky face she made. and i think she annoyed me somehow. wtf is that holy weird. all i think was i just wanna go home right away and there you come those u-mobile team pursuing me to join the club. lul i was not in the mood bcs i was highly in the mood of that-indian-ghostly-faced-bah. 

guess what?!!! last night i was searching for my last years addmaths books and the shelves were kinda messy and im having sore eye because of that plus this left side of mucus runway. (if you get what i mean). and my face is all red. and i cant wait for december. where freedom comes muahahaha (bullshot its miles away) bye. i love you but you dont love me but i want you anyway so if you dont want me, you have to get to me first or else, die die die

im sorry im a lil bit in a depression tonight.. but my love for you (kalau kau nak perasan pun boleh) is hashtag till jannah. Assalamualaikum. :)

Feb 21, 2015

Kinda Random

HI Happy Chinese New Year! I almost forgot to wish that. So, have a blast chinese! I just finished reading my entire blog. LOL i laughed so hard bcs i dont know tht i was that noob, that stupid. puberty did it i turned into a woman (can i classify me as a woman im not a teenager anymore). 

My grammar was very bad and i used bombastic vocab wrongly stupid. Okay actually i just got back from jaya jusco being mom's companion to buy those gifts and preparations for our upcoming family gathering. (naw im partially excited yknow why it is partially?). It will be held on 14th march and i will come back home exactly a day before that date so i will not have time to buy the whle attire for that dinner (esp the theme is black and white with the vogue style uh whatever) so, i need to buy some clothes and i searched for them in the whole mall but i cant find my fav one. seriously, aint kidding. i was not that choosy but the stock out there is quite unsophisticated and ugh i didnt suit me well. 

so... i think that was acceptable. so i was quite disappointed since tomorrow morning i have to go back to school. so, i guess i just wear the old one i dont care i dont have mood for that i just wanna have fun and eat and duh i need some peace. or i need to rebel *smirking* pls make it fast. in just another 3 weeks, i will taste home back. thank you thank you i know ya guys are so excited to meet me hm. no.

so my point here is i had a very bad day. everything didnt go well. i swear my room is horribly in a mess. SO YOU! COME TO MY ROOM AND HALPH ME. mr grey, could you? hehe no, okay no no. i havent complete my homework yet im so brilliant give me an applause. ok bye. 

Feb 20, 2015

CNY be like

I feel useless
well normally, my useless is not so useless. Because somehow i feel im valuable lol im not a thing (pronounced as tsing). 
Could you help me?
Every single day, i feel those negative vibes. where did they come from idk  dont ever ask me that silly question.
im not in a good mood. i still got a lot of work to be done. im hell lazyh so dont freak out mom, if my first test result is gonna be as bad as you couldnt imagine bcs i didnt study. maybe i will start changing after a few more days, after the positive vibes have come to me , that lovestruck (towards chemistry) sorry i slept in each chemistry class. um there is a difference between a chemist and chemistry. google it or i would say that you are lazy. 

This is a new me i think. I changed a bit. ive gained weight. so what. people told me that i grew cheeks a lot and seemed like a potato with tomato cheeks thanks i love you. i dont wanna be skinny bcs for me it's weird and fatty gal is likeable by those lads haha i think so bcs no fats, no desire (no offence but ive read this once so i guess it is acceptable)

I feel lame bcs i cant get updated to current environmental issues or political issues lol kidding i prefer those vs fashion shows. and on the day i came back home, i just knew that style mv would be published on last friday and how come i didnt know that. swiftie didnt go well hurm. plus i lost my phone. tsk. this year is a really tough year. 

In my class, theres a guy who is always trynna join my conversation well bullshot im not talking to you. and all the things tht came out from him is all those sarcasms tht was hell obnoxious. judgemental detected and whoaaa he sits beside me in the class ( i mean a metre away but still, i can smell his dark desire ) no no you hv to change yours. 

what else? oh i think im so clingy. not to mention that i love to lay my head on anyone's shoulder when whoever sits beside me or gets attach to me except guys bcs im loveable :D So, if you want free hugs, come to me babeh. no seriously, some may hate me bcs of my clingy passion lol ok but im trying. im so yknow, UH YOU HVE TO UNDERSTAND ME BCS IM CLINGY JUST IT IS

holla yes im addicted to beautiful disaster by jamie mcguire. it is kinda cheesy but i loike that. it is not as bad as 50 shades of grey but it is 20% of my relationship goals. so, read it or you can cut yourself bcs of your stupidity. 

thats all i think im bored. everyone doesnt wanna talk to me rn idk why. maybe bcs its already3.30 am. but idc. if you wanna talk to me, i would to. bcs maybe ill not be able to talk to you (just in case if im dead tsk) wallahualam. bye whud is still hv my loyal viewers you gotta leave now xoxo

Jan 10, 2015


So im going back to school approximately 7 hours from now. sigh.
You dont have any idea whats going on with me.
I cried.
I screamed.
There were tears on the sheet.
Im not even ready for this.
And im done hopping for the things that arent coming.
I set my mind and my heart that im doing this because of Allah.
I worked this hard just for my parents, my family, who else?

I waited for so long.
But it was just a waste.
They didnt know how tired was i,
how sad was i.
They didnt see the real me.
How i was struggling to get an attention.
They just didnt know that i was counting on them.
I prepared something and it was just a piece of shit now.
I shouldnt have do that at the first place.
But how can I stop for being someone's plan B.
7 hours are just 7 minutes for me though.
Im so pathetic.

Jan 6, 2015

any great title?

Hi. It has been a year since ive published the last entry (that lame one in which i was just 15). I skipped 2014 because i spent most of the time in the boarding school. Honestly, i dont know what to write and this is awkward (lol im awkward with myself or it is just somebody out there stalking me naww).

So basically ill be back to school on this sunday, maybe early in the morning because i have to unpack all the stuffs and decorate my locker (enthusiasm for this new year). Well, I hope there wouldnt be awkward moment with the peeps. Seriously i never thought that id reached today. I mean, senior year would totally be a great year for everyone but i dont know what should i do to make this year as a holy great year with its blistering good vibes. 

I wanna grow old but i dont wanna grow old too. So, which is better? Being 1 and a half month at home will never better. I literally unpacked my homework at the last 10 days and im dubious if i could finish it since ive lost some of the papers.. So i guess, this is acceptable.

Have you ever been through some pleasure seeking people? Nah i get used to it. Whether he/she is a wimp or im a boring person or theres no chemistry between us.

So I think id power off my cell and avoid those people who are just taking anyone for granted lol kidding i aint that mad. Just... Im tired of all the dramas and after all those apocalypse (it is to me) happened to me in just a month wow after i lost my only phone, after i lost physics papers, im so done.

And have you ever been forgotten by someone? No it is only me me me me. So I guess id do maths for now till fajr and happy worldless wednesday! To anyone who will read this. Or no one.