Oct 6, 2017

Great People, Great Start

Assalamualaikum everyone! 

I always and always try to find some times to spill in my blog on what have happened to me all this while, yet I could hardly find. But, alhamdulillah this is it! 

Basically, I enjoy my degree so far. I'm blessed with kind friends, kind lecturers and doctors. All praises to Allah. For the study thingy, no one says that it's easy. No one says that you can score even though you don't study and do revision. I'm dealing with it calmly and hopefully I can nail it and be a good doctor. 

Friends? Yea, not all. I mean, I ain't friendly like some of the students. BUT I'M TRYING OKAY. My roommates are all fun and nice and lunatic and swifties! I love love love them. They're the best people here. And I hope we could keep going for the next five years. hee. Classmates? Geez. I have 150 classmates and believe me, there's a lot more that i don't recognize their faces. But Alhamdulillah, some of them are very kind and helpful. But not all though. Whatever it is, I have to deal with it. Know that not all people will like you. But yea, we're not living to please all. I spend my time independently a lot. I've learned how to be free-spirited and not to depend too much on others, cause I know, I'll not always be with the same people all over again. 

Actually, I don't have much to say. Haha. Homesick? Lesser. Cause I'm too busy spending my time on studies. Yep. Alright it's 12.58 a.m. I'll update soon about something interesting soon. Bye felicia. 

Sep 9, 2017

Degree Kicks In



Assalamualaikum guys!
Here, I’ll tell you the whole story of my life at my first phase of degree. Dgree sounds exciting, but mine is the worst. Lol yes, it has just been 3 days but I still assume it as a bad beginner. Please stay with me till the end thanks! :’)

Right now, I’m on my 4th day of my first year in med school. I changed my course and Alhamdulillah, I was accepted :) Me and another 8 students were accepted into this course. Feels good when you have another ones joining you. But, yea, there are 6 girls and 2 boys. The 2 boys were my classmates back in foundation, while the other 5 girls arent. I barely knew them. 4 of them were classmates and close (of course), and another 1 were a year older than me and she got plenty of close friends in our course. ME? I have nobody. I know a few friends anyway, but we arent that close. So this is my point here, I feel lonely. My friends are all in different course and college. So, I’m here alone.

During ta’aruf week, almost all the time I did all alone, I ate alone, I walked alone, I rode the bus alone. Lol just a couple of time that I joined my old friends but that was temporary. Basically, I’m a loner. Gurl, God want to test me, right? It isnt surely easy. I mean, getting into med school (out of all other applicants), there must be some tests for me. And I guess this is it. Pray for me so I’ll get used to it and bear all of this. I learned one new thing, independence. I can feel that Im big enough that I did all alone! I believe on one fine day, I’ll have my own car, pay the house and the car’s loan all by myself at the bank, buying groceries alone. Dude, this is just the beginning. More challenges to come! Now, I already feel it when I saw some people who were just alone and independent by themselves but successfully did it. I respect you guys! I mean, what’s the odd of being alone right? Bih, I’m kinda clingy, so thats why haha.

By the way, yesterday, all the medical students had to attend a kulliyyah briefing by the dean. So, yea we’ll be facing a lot. There’s no time to play around. Medicine is very tough, I mean the toughest, right? I’ll tell you guys soon of whats gonna happen of my first week of classes. And I cant wait to nail my first block! We called it ‘block’ instead of ‘semester’. Basically, 2 blocks=1 semester. We got different days of holiday so there will be certain times that we have classes, but nope for the other kulliyyah. Another thing that I cannot wait is clinical years! I cant wait to go to the hospitals and have my own stethoscope and checking on the patients. God, thats my dream from standard 1. haha. 

Overall, I still need to blend in and mingle with the medical students, because like it or not, we're in the same class for 5 years, InsyaAllah. Only Allah could help me. Oh anyway, Ive seen some of my friends' true colors. When you're in trouble or not, that's so cliche and random. They're everywhere! I dont wanna recall what ive done for them but yea, karma is a bitch. Y'all will feel exactly what I felt. I aint praying something bad for you guys, but just pray that you will do good. Cause what you give, you take back. Easy peazy. So, first call starts on this Monday! I'm excited! New world, new syllabus :) Cant wait to seek ilm :) Pray for me guys. May the force be with me and I could stay strong through all my journey. Ameen. 

Aug 8, 2017

Random 101

I had a mental breakdown when i was reading the breakup scene in To All the Boys Ive Loved Before. I swear, it hit me right in my heart cause i can feel it well. It seems like Im that girl, and losing the guy that i love is painful. lol Who's that guy? Peter Kavinsky he is. Finally, I have read all the series and I will do my very own book review soon ;)

So, yea. writing about the book is mainly about how do i feel, my sorrow, my agony, my jealousy and all when they break up. lmao, my heart felt like it has been stabbed with tons of needles when i read it. Have you ever felt that? Or is it just me who are too much enjoying her reading? Haha. My mom once mocked me for over reacting by just reading novels. I guess that's my real passion. 

So, what exactly did i feel is, i feel the pain and sorrow in the girl. Well, the thing is she's the one who wanted to break up but of course, it's because she's in disappointment! The thing that makes me so down is because the guy, Peter is such a genuine, humble and perfect guy. Thus i feel like that's her worst decision ever. Like hell i am so used to know someone like this. The fact that she went through all the weeks without talking to the guy, even though they're classmates in their high school, but still, nope, I can relate that to myself. No, never been in a relationship before but i do felt how is it like to distance yourself from someone special. 

Some may say that why are you exaggerating? lol I got no answer for that. It's our natural response. Metaphorically, it is involuntary action. (not a fact though). Haha. So yea 

It takes two to tango. But i just have one. So, I need to call it a day. 

I've just read a thread on Twitter about a girl, she found her way back to her first love after 6 years of breaking up! Wow! That's a miracle. Jodoh it is. It doesnt matter even if you dont expect at all to be with someone, the fate will take you to the path. I'm so impressed by her story because it is so spontaneous. She told there that she cannot forget him since then, she almost gave up but suddenly, a rainbow came after the dark storm. It's beautifully written isnt it? You just cannot lose hope. Pray to Him. (Same in my case lol). The right one is still fresh in my mind but losing contact for 2 years already. I might not know my future, but hoping isnt a sin right. 

Phew. Whatever it is, I will start my degree in September soon. More happy years to come, more challenges to face, more loves to earn! 

May 17, 2017

My Kind of Nightmare

Hi guys! Assalamualaikum! Here I am at home! Finally, Alhamdulillah, it feels so good to be back here. Out of drama, out of stupid problem. Lit gila weh.   

First off, i wanna tell you guys my story. What had happened to me for the last three days in my college. Personally, I think this is not because of the college itself, but it's due to myself who have tried to dig into it. 

The very first issue is, in the morning of the 3rd last day, my roommate told me about last night. Well, actually i didnt even realise about it. Tapi, bila kawan aku bagitahu, aku dah start rasa lain. Here's the thing, she told me that aku mengigau lama pukul 4 pagi macam tu. Aku cakap, "minta maaf, jangan kacauuu etc". She couldnt hear every words that i said but lebih kurang macam tu. Dia kata lagi, it occured for a quite long time. Honestly, aku tak pernah mengigau waktu tidur, i never had sleepwalking, never ever in my entire life i spoke while sleeping. It is weird like legit! 

So, I tried to recall what happened actually. Oh right then. I just thought that it might be due to a thread on twitter that i've followed since then. I would read his creepy true story every day when he updated. It's like my routine. They're true stories, so i was interested in them. Just to tell you guys, I am so into horror stories, movies or whatever that's related to it. In fact, my entire family are into these kinda movies. We like to watch them in cinema. But you know, when I'm reading the thread, I dont feel anything. I feel normal. But, without realizing it, it affected my sleep. 

At night on the same day, I slept outside of my room. It is kinda a house and there're a few rooms. So yep, at that night, I stayed outside with a roommate. What I did was, just reading on Wattpad while laying down and my roommate was watching a movie. At about 2 am, I heard something. It was like the sound of orang main-main dengan kerusi plastik, like kerusi plastik warna putih tu kan. Yep, bunyi orang seret kerusi banyak kali. Okay.... maybe bilik sebelah tengah study kot sebab my entire roommates dah tidur except for both of us. Then, benda tu continuously bunyi-bunyi and agak kuat. So, i looked at my roommate and asked her, do you hear that. She nodded and continued watching her movie. *sigh* I tak patut tegur. So, I was the last one to sleep at that night cause of the Wattpad stuff! *annoyed* Dalam pukul 3 pagi macam tu, I tried to sleep, but it's kinda hard sebab I kept on imagining things. But, a few minutes lepas tu, I managed to.


On the next day, we all slept outside again, but this time, all of us. We took out the mattress like it was a slumber party ey. I slept early compared to them. Tapi, tiba-tiba aku terjaga dalam pukul 1 macam tu. Aku rasa panas sangat, and i was sweating as heck. Wallahi, i felt uneasy, dengan nyamuknya, panasnya, sumpah tak boleh tidur. I tried so hard to keep my eyes close but it's getting harder. Macam ada benda paksa nak bukak jugak mata tu. Not long after that, aku dengar bunyi gelang loceng. But, samar-samar and rasa macam jauh lah jugak bunyi tu. Aku dah cuak dah sebab dalam thread yang aku baca dekat twitter tu, ada pasal bunyi gelang kaki etc. Bro, :') That's not funny. Lama jugaklah aku try nak tidur. Finally, boleh jugak.


Now, this is the climax of this story. I AM SO WEAK I TELL YOU GUYS. Malam terakhir ni, memang aku tidur last sekali sebab aku tengah study. Yup, semua orang tidur luar malam tu. So, pukul 1, aku stop and aku baring terus, try nak tidur. As usual, the weird insomnia came creeping in. I never had insomnia before. Aku tengok video kat youtube, aku main game as distractions sebab tak boleh tidur. Tapi, aku rasa badan dan mata aku penat, plus esok ada exam Chem. So, i really needed to sleep. My conscience wasnt stable at that time because I started to imagine things. I felt there was something watching me, i dont know from where. But I felt that. Then, aku try nak tidur and pejam mata, still tak boleh. Aku terus selubung dalam selimut sebab I dont wanna see what's happening outside. Aku rasa dalam setengah jam jugak lah. I could feel that my entire body was sweating like LEGIT. My pajamas were all bathed in sweats! Rasanya first time aku berpeluh teruk macam tu and i was shaking.. Disebabkan tak tahan panas, aku keluar dari selimut, but still with eyes closed. I'm not ready to face the truth, honestly. Suddenly, aku dengar lagi bunyi gelang loceng, and this time makin kuat and makin dekat. God, sumpah i felt like crying and rasa nak kejut diaorang tapi aku rasa takut nak bergerak and bukak mata. Not so long after that, aku dengar bunyi pintu bukak tutup kuat sangat and lama jugak. okay, since malam tu it was kinda windy and tingkap memang terbukak, it might be the reason why. But, I tell you all, this kind of thing never hapened to us before. Even bukak tingkap macam mana pun, not even once bunyi dia kuat and lama macam tu. Ayat kursi aku baca, 3 kul pun aku baca. Nasib baik lancar, takdelah lupa-lupa ke apa. Aku bertahan macam tu tanpa tidur sampai pukul 4 pagi. Itu pun sebab one of my roommates bangun tidur. Lepas tu, aku pun bangun sebab memang tak boleh tidur? I did some reading saje-saje dekat meja study. Oh fyi, my study stable was just beside the balcony in which its sliding doors cant be closed. They're stuck and broken actually. So, dengan terbukak nya macam tu, ko rasa khusyuk tak? Of course tak :') Whatever it is, aku try tidur balik pukul 4 lebih. Alhamdulillah, I got to. Tapi, memang tak cukup tidur, and mata aku sakit pagi tu plus ada exam :) Nah but all is well. 

Oh, there's one more thing. Bunyi gelang kaki tu maybe bayangan aku je. Tapi, bila aku cerita dekat semua roommates aku pagi tu, one of them told me, yang dia dah biasa dengar dah bunyi tu malam-malam. So..... I guess it is a yes? (im not having an imagination guys!) :p

So, yeah that's my story. Tapi, bila balik rumah. Tak ada apa-apa lah. Maybe sebab tempat kot? Wallahualam. I think that's all for tonight. I'll update soon!


May 10, 2017

faker?

Assalamualaikum everyone! How bow dah? Hopefully you guys are doing well, Ameen. 

Basically, it is study week so i'm just staying in my room and holding books 24/7. Just kidding, i aint that kind of student, i am super-procrastinating-kind-of-girl. I have 2 more papers which are ICT and Chemistry. Statistics paper was hell tough like i almost cried when doing it. I almost gave up like i told myself, "ok put, just do your best, you will go home a week after and you'll forget about this". Hell nah, this was shaytan. Enough for college stuffs. Now back to the main topic. 

I have been always and always wondering about people who are fake. It's like the moment you see them, you will immediately know that they are fake. Cliche thing right? I know. Fake people are everywhere. But what if you friend is one of them? How would you react? Mayn, I dont know. Im not brave enough to say it to them, to confront them. It's like Im walking on thin ice. :( Send help over here please.

First off, I have an issue about someone who talks bad about me, the ones who badmouth me. For god sake, let me not know about it. Better than knowing the truth that they have badmouthed me. "Telling the truth and make someone cry is better than telling a lie to make someone smile". Well this idiom cant be applied here. I rather to not listen to those bad words than knowing that someone is talking, and i am their topic. But this idiom can be applied in a situation where, a person have a thing or an issue with me, like im the problem. Okay then tell me. You may confront me but dont spread bad words about me to others. Mate, it hurts like hell. 

I cant stand people who loathe me but not saying it in front of my face. They tend to write it on their ig story, on twitter but yea, without mentioning me (of course, i mean who does?). I cannot bear this. The worse is when your close friend does that. *sigh* Not to mention about the things that she did to me, but it is a lot. Ive never mentioned about single of them on twitter. Not a single thing. 

Secondly, when you tweet something, make sure that i dont follow you :) Block me first before you're typing every single hate on that thing. Oh, or your intention is you want me to read those right? Wallahualam. I dont know. Well, only God knows. One thing, if you dislike me, if you envy me, dont come to me, dont talk to me, dont ever treat me as your friend, dont ever tell me your story or your problem. Screw that. 


P/S: I cant wait to end this. I want to leave foundation so bad and looking forward for degree-phase and having new good friends, unlike now ( certain just CERTAIN) lol. Pray for me to be able to cope with this thing and resist this hustle life. 

Feb 23, 2017

crush that crush

HI GUYSSSSSSS. Guess what? I just came back from my night class. And this class is one of my fav ones cause i like this subject and my classmates are funny and cool. You would laugh every single moment cause of their bizarre acts haha. 

But the thing is, Im into GREEN today! yeah cause baby your soul could never grow old as evergreen....... You are ed sheeran to my heart HAHA kidding. So, I wore green today and of course, there's someone who donned in green as well. I mean the exact kinda green, the same tone. U ada? I ada haha.  I was like building my own castle in the air. But theres no prince charming????? LOL

OK i think i fell in love again for the infinity time. haha no. I mean, like in this real world. Come on, Ive so many crush in the tv but it's virtual for me please. But now, it's real. But yea, all i could do is stay quiet and do nothing cause it is the way it is. I like it that way. 

lol im just kidding about 'falling in love' one. I dont know my own feeling but you know, when you meet someone, he would cross ur mind multiple times or they would make a wound in your heart or else he would not leave any scar or mark on you so you gotta be prepared for all these possibilities. Make dua' and don;t lose hope hehe. Assalamualaikum and good night!

Feb 18, 2017

no not this tyme

Assalamualaikum and hi to all!
Yass today is Friday, so it basically means dear-books-pls-get-out-of-my-sight- day lol just kidding. I was called to write here (again?) because I feel like I wanna share this one to you guys. 

Normally, if you like someone, what would you do? I mean, as a woman or as a girl. My answer would be, 

Entahlah. I dont know what should i do. Apatah lagi I'm not sure if he's the one that's meant to be with. 

Yes, I'm still stuck between of 'dont bother' or 'do something'. Haish. But right now, I've been thinking of staying at the place wherever i am. For instance, don't do anything, just don't. Stay at your comfort zone, and let them notice you. HAHAHA crazy is it. 

No, I mean, biarlah kalau kita suka seseorang tu, kita mendiamkan diri. Bukan menunjuk-nunjuk perasaan tu. Ever heard this quote? 

''People who are meant to be together will always find their way back. They make take a few detours, but they're never lost''.

Thus I kinda believe in this one. Walaupun kita suka seseorang tu, rindu, berdoalah agar he's the one. Only Allah can fulfill it. Orang cakap bila rindu, kalau kita cakap dekat dia yang kita rindu, lagi bertambah rindulah perasaan kita. Tapi, bila kita rindu, kita berdoa, insyaAllah makin tenang hati kita.

Jadi, cubalah untuk lebihkan berdoa daripada mendekati mereka. *nasihat untuk diri sendiri juga*. Memang susahkan kalau dah satu kelas, satu kelab contohnya, memang susah nak halang perasaan suka tu. Tapi, apa nak buat. Lets take a chill pill which is salah, quran, zikr and du'a. :)