Towards the end of April

Bismillahirrahmanirahim.

I always see things without thinking deeply and not in a mature way in which I tend to easily assume things to be happened the way I feel. It's totally wrong. I realize that it shouldn't be that way. Confidence is the key. Over confidence can kill it. No confidence? You'll prolly drown.

I once tell here that I did badly for my first block of examination. And the result was very very bad. That was one hell of a ride. I'd call it a phase of depression (not a clinical one lol). It was just disturbing my mind and my conscience as I was so down, so scared and was having very low self esteem. But as time passed by, I tried to find back my spirit and there you go, a unicorn vibes come creeping in (haha kidding), I don't know how it happened. But, surely I became more confident with my self. I tried to push myself closer to Him and make dua' as frequent as possible, do Hajat prayer when I have time. Because with effort itself, you can't get what you want.

With that, I managed to improve a lot, even though it's not that much, but for me, it's very good enough for me. My mom tells me that if everyone else can do, why couldn't I? I quite disagree with this statement because everyone has their own limit and thinking. Mine is slower. But, that pushes me to put in way more effort so my thinking could be same as theirs. That's the logic behind that.

Anyway, I'm praying for all of us to be able to endure our year 1 successfully and get into year 2 with a good result. Surely we can. :) Assalamualaikum.

A quick one, really

This is a quick one.

I know that I'm weak, emotionally and physically. I often fall sick, almost have gastritis every day, often overthink, often feel sad (with or without reason) but that's the way I am. Can't get rid of it but slowly and surely, I can endure it.

Anyway, I recently had a quite emotional phase where I had some kind of problem. So yea, I sought help from my little sister cause she was the only one who was free at that moment. Mom was basically busy cause she's working so I didn't want to interrupt her. It's just a simple thing, but the moment that my sister was willing to help me to run the errand by WALKING quite a distance just to get it done. Wallahi, my tears rolled down my cheeks like rivulets. I felt really touched.

Thus that made me realize that I was really weak. (read: still weak). Just a small thing Put, yet you still cried a river. I had 5 tissues wasted on that. The reason behind that: 'terharu'. blugh, I need to learn to be strong.

Addition: I think by having loads of work to be done by this week, adds to the 'emotional me'. Too much guys. I have the list if you want to see:

1) PBL presentation for session 2
2) Dakwah bureau stuffs
3) Microbiology lab report
4) UNGS assignment
5) Leadership stuffs
6) Volunteer stuffs

Yet, I feel annoyed of those who keep asking and asking for the things. It's not yet the deadline, but they seem eagerly want it. Patience is the key to everything. So, sabar. There's this one point where I wanna leave the whatsapp groups for a while cause it's too much. They enter like thousands of bullet. And I'm not bulletproof. *sigh*

Pray for Put so she can handle all of this with sabr and sincerity. Ameen.

I've Learned Something and..

Assalamualaikum people!

Just a short post for today, where I wanna share something that has touched my heart. Er, I don't know how to exactly explain this but I wanna highlight 'gratefulness' for today's post. Cey, I should do 'one moral value for a day' post lol. Just kidding.

First off, it's just a start for me to be a little bit thrifty because I do admit that I spent quite a lot. As for today, I just had a simple dish for lunch, and decided to just have bread and jam for dinner. BUT for a pelahap like me, 2 slices of bread aren't enough. So, like for my kuliyyah, there is this one welfare bureau that help the needy persons by serving them free food for dinner. Since, the food is a lot, I took a little bit as I was (and am) trying to be thrifty, so, bad. Then I took a plate of rice, a fish and some potatoes. It was kinda far because the food were in the block next to mine. The struggle is real haha. As I was taking the food, I stumbled upon a few of my classmates. I was like "hye bye hye bye" with them until this one person was saying something that maybe unintentionally hurt my feeling. I forgot the way that person said it, but there was this 'sanggup datang sini' words and they sound like I was kind of desperate to come here JUST to have free food. I'm not sure if i am the one who is overthinking but for me, you don't say that to people. I don't care so much about that, but I couldn't imagine if someone else who really needs the food was at my place. It might hurt people.

Basically, I wanna stress that do mind your words. If you don't have anything nice to say, just stay quiet. Keep it low. If that is the way of you, being friendly, well you should change. The way is not right.

The other thing that has touched my heart was about the food itself. The food was okay, but we don't basically enjoy it. Um, how do I say this..... I wasn't saying that the food is terrible, but you know if it's for free then you can't expect it to be a 5 star one. I do realized that. But, when I got it for free just now, the nikmat is wallahi undeniable. It was tempting and, delicious. That's the best thing I've ever felt today. The nikmah that has been givin by Him. Thus I feel so grateful, and I promised I wont be stingy in buying food after this. :) Haha. I won't cut my budget for food just to save some money to buy makeups, to go shopping and to spend for a holiday trip.  things. Lol.

So yeah. Those are just the things. It's basically nothing but it's a lot to me. Deep inside, I've learned something today. With that, I hope we all ca be grateful and mind our words before we spit out anything. Ameen.

April Fool's Day

Saturdays and Sundays don’t feel like before. I feel that they are getting boring and boring. I spend most of my time in the room either on the bed or at the study table. Sometimes, I feel that I have no life. I dont mean that I ‘must’ go out on every weekends. The fact that ‘48 hours’ is a long time and I could say that it was one hell of a ride. Sometimes, I love being alone. Sometimes, I do want to mingle around. Sometimes, I feel like I wanna go home. ‘I’d rather be in my college than be at home cause I’ll be doing nothing’ is sometimes disturbing my conscience. But after all, I know that home is the best place I’ve ever been. And that’s why I sacrifice my 8 hours time of being on a ride just to go back home. People might say that it’s just ‘a short journey’. If it’s only once or twice, you could happily say that. But if it's gonna happen for a 5 years duration, it’s crazy. I got sick because of that. But anyhow, that doesn’t stop me from going back. Cause what? Cause I’m forever a homie person.

Just to tell y’all, I had 4 days of holiday back in January during Chinese New Year if I’m not mistaken. On Thursday, I took a bus ride at 9 pm on Friday from Kuantan and reached home approximately at 4 am. It was a tiring one. I quickly take a nap when I reached home because on the same day at 9 am, we were going to Kedah for a wedding ceremony and stayed there for one night. Guess what? I went there with a weak body and dark eye bags underneath my eyes. So yea, 2 days of long journey so far. Next, on Saturday we went back home in Ipoh (again another 4-5 hours journey) *sigh*. On Sunday then, as early as 10 am, I headed back to Kuantan :') Guys, 4 days of holiday were basically spent on the road hahaha. Jet lag much? Aw yea.

It turned out that I fell sick on the next day and I skipped my first 2 classes on Monday. I don't know why every time I have a long journey, I'll fall sick lol. Anyhow, it got better Alhamdulillah. At the moment though, I have also an infection at my toe. It's just because I had to play tennis in the rain during a competition and yea, because of that, my shoes were soaked with water so I got that infection because of that. Thank God it got better roughly after 2 months. Lmao guys, dont ever wear wet shoes cause it's easier for them, fungi to infect your feet or even your body. I regretted so much.

Despite those tiring days, that doesn't stop me from continuing to go back home as frequent as possible haha. Okay till then. I'll update my life soon. Bye Assalamualaikum.