Jun 26, 2015

My Very First One in '15

Thank God it's weekend.
Cause you know, for the students, weekend is so heaven. Heaven on earth. Yea, salam ramadhan kareem. :)
How i wish i could spend the entire ramadhan at home. Sadly, just left approximately 130 days for me to be in that school. After this, no more school atmosphere. I'm gobsmacked and scared too... Im scared of those challenging tough life after school life. Life, is still a life. Still as complicated  as differentiation in Addmaths. InsyaAllah straight a's would absolutely be mine if i work hard for it. Ganbatte for me!

As today was my first tarawikh at home, so i felt kinda excited!!!!! Yea, please take note that when we performed our tarawikh in Seratas, it was scorching hot and everytime after end of two rakaah, i have to wipe the sweats there will be sweat stains on my telekung, and everyone will be yucks. So, this time, even in a surau, they still have air-cond. It was a relief. So, this time, just me, myself and I. LOL no, there were my 2 sisters and my only little brother which he is only 10 but his body got him like seven. Unlike me, my friends insisted that i had gigantism. Sorry babe, it was hell rude but i dont mind at all because you all got dwarfism right? So, when we girls entered the women part, the aunties all stared at us. Yea new face, new body, they must be so wondering who are these specky sisters. 

Some would think that im a friendly one. Honestly, YES. Even with the makciks, i could set the conversation on fire. One of them kept asking us this that and those. So, i answered everything. There was one part that she asked about menantu and so on. Lol I barely knew her..... I know it was a kinda joke. So, i didnt mind at all as well. But there was one thing which was slightly different with the way we pray in seratas. As everyone knows, we should stand in the saf as close as possible so that there is gonna be no boundary and spaces between us. No satan could even interupt. Sadly, what i found in the surau, the spaces were too obvious.They didnt even care to cover the spaces. I wondered, was it really 'sah'? 

Frankly, i didnt feel much comfortable with that. So there was one girl, beside me. I dont know whether shes younger or older but she looked younger than me. After the first 2 rakaah, she asked me to move away a bit because she had a real struggle sitting during tahyatul akhir. And... what was that. Isnt it we're supposed to pray as close as we could. Uh, so i just smiled and made a bizarre face. 

I swear at that time, all i thought about was my boarding school. I miss praying in the surau, lmao it has just been 5 hours since i left the school and ill be back on this sunday. Stupid plan  but i have to obey it. Pre-doom's day is coming oh yeah. 

At about 10.15 we waited for mama to fetch us. but sadly,  she was not coming at all. It was so awkward and i decided to walk home :D so we walked ok. 200 metres with the high bushes next to us. It was kinda spookie. You know we're not supposed to be there. But we did it of course. Just in the nutshell, i felt so lethargic today, tomorrow and forever. For God sake, leave me alone.

Jun 6, 2015

Out for a week ssup

  • Powerbank /
  • Powder /
  • Lipbalm /
  • Socks /
  • Telekung /
  • Fake eye lashes X
  • Matte Lipstick X
  • High Heels Stilettos X
  • Pure Seduction VS /
  • Sneakers /
  • Wig X
  • Luggage X
  • Backpack /
  • Earphone /
  • Homework //
  • Paper Towns ( just in case ) /
  • Intelligence /
  • Dignity /
  • Weakness X

You know what guys? I dont even ready for this. And mom said 'okay we're out for a week. pack your things. bring your homework too. just in case you will be real fatigue on saturday. and on sunday honey you'll be back home. i mean your real home.' residential school. is. so. exciting. i. cant. wait. 

it is 'change'. not 'chains'. nick jonas is mine.

Here. Let me tell you guys. 
okay. A person who is being friendly saying 'hi' and all those simplest yet littlest things, a person who's being politely asking something hilarious. well that person is called 'tiny little desperate'. now can you explain it to me?

what an absurd mentality of some adults nowadays. come on guys. Being friendly is not that flirting kinda way. youre just being too overthinking. he/she didnt have any hidden point on being friendly to you. im telling you here because ive gone through this for a few times.

your overthinking just keeps us away beneath. pop. it's just gone. look. im trying to break the awkwardness of us. So, let me just being kinda extroverted just to make sure that we're super fine. now are you fine? nope. go die. okay pls be alive back.

just, sometimes, i know that you're trying to express 'babe, no offense' 'bruh dont get me wrong' 'lol just kidding'. But your 'just kidding' is way true. you did say no offense but i found it's an offensive way on 'steps to avoid puteri'.

#1 how to avoid puteri
#2 i have to avoid puteri
#3 she is super clingy. i must ignore her.

taraaa. trust me, you could be a well-known author one day. THE CLINGY PUTERI (bestseller bruh). 

Listen. People do change right. But why? Why did they act differently to me. stupid isnt it. lol obviously, i felt like youre a stranger to me. the boundary. isnt it too wide open? me >>>>> you. too big. just stop being a stranger please guys. i dont know who're the 'guys'. but if you feel tht youre a part of the 'tryna-be-stranger-dude', pls i urge you to staph. just STAPH. its hell obnoxious..

yeah i despair somehow. i cant find the sincerity in yours. how i trust you, i mean you were so genuine when we're good. i didnt say that we're not good now. we're just ________ zero chemistry. im perplexed somehow. 

I hate to see people changing for no reasons. and i dont know the reasons too. and you didnt tell me the reasons to. you must hv at least 13 reasons why to change. AT LEAST. perhaps im too gullible. sucks. being kind to people is so freaking.. i dont know. you might think tht im such a cynic but thats the way how people treat me sometimes. it's normal right. isnt it? lol this isnt a hostility in cyber.

one more, stop being a wholly stranger to me. youre boring me. and i hate that. so please. stop making my temper tantrums to explode. holla.

Jun 4, 2015


  • 19 YOU & ME-DAN & SHAY
  • LOVE ME LIKE YOU DO-ELLIE GOULDING (i bet you've watched 50 shades uh-uh-)
  • THINKING OUT LOUD-ED SHEERAN (dont tell me if you dont know this one. dont ever talk to me-not until you give me ed's album)

Jun 3, 2015

biology? biology.

well you know what people
i have made the worst mistake in my entire life
it's too private to talk here
whatever it is
i wasnt supposed to tell it to a guy
a guy who isnt my mahram
im truly embarrassed for myself
till then
i know somehow its kinda funny
but its too humiliating for a girl
to spill to a guy
i laughed too
perhaps to cover my silliness 
but i swear it was a mistake
the word that i used to learn it in Biology
the only halal period to use that word
if you know what i mean
i wanna delete that daft moment 
and bury it beneath the lava
merepek do

Jun 1, 2015

juicy. so juicy.

I did tell you about reincarnation right?
well yes, ive read a book about it. its not that the whole book is about reincarnation. a part of it. but the most attracting thing that ive discovered is about the one. the true love. lol you must think that im such a kid whos trying to be like a real adult whos talking about the one. i wont kid myself people.

so what ive read is not in the history text book nor biology textbook. Reincarnation happened when a soul, i repeat, 1 soul reborn in 2 different body. in a different generation in a different family. obviously, they wont know their  past lives. but what im so eager about is their soulmate. their soulmate will be the same soul as their past lover. but the thing is they dont even know in which body that the soul came in. Interesting right? 

first off, its about the soulmate. when you feel happy and you can be yourself when youre with him, i mean the guts to act like a dumb blonde is there, so he is the one. But im wondering, what if he feels the opposite way as she feels. its complicated somehow so, i tried to figure it out and i found that it was a dead end. we will never know the real feeling of our loved one. until they speak up the truth, genuinely. So, whats that book? it's 'love at second sight'. i cant totally get over it. if feels like im the girl and i try to trigger out which is the one. i completely not understand about someone that has mixed juicy feelings. sometimes, they can be so kind to us. sometimes, they act like a totally stranger. i found that it is kinda eerie. they can change drastically whenever they want or not. 

you know when you have that kind of gobsmacked feeling but then it doesnt happen. anticipation doesnt get in your lucky side bruh. im writing this bcs i hate a part of my life. not all. some part of it that i feel so tired, i could say that im lethargic of being an idiot hoping for the things that arent coming. lol its not a kinda sigh. i dont know where to vomit all of ths bs they will always judge. okay ill listen but not about the things that i didnt even do. ssup.