Mad

Hi guys. Sorry that I took a really long time to update. *as if I have so many fans* Anyhow, I'm back again with a new oneeeeee.

Now, if you're mad over something, what would you do? Telling someone? Write it up? Or just keep it to yourself? If it's me, I prefer to express in through writing. Writing is so powerful that it could completely express the whole feeling of mine, about every single details. So, stating the obvious, I'm currently mad, like so so mad over something, over a person. Of course I wouldn't tell him/her because I just don't want to make it worse. It's okay if only me who bears it, who holds it, alone. I just prefer that way. But little do you know, if it's repetitive, I'm just very tired to hold it. Like just now, I couldn't hold it any longer. I almost exploded but I quickly performed my prayer and made dua' to Allah. I know the only One that can relieve the pain is Him, the Almighty.

Sometimes, I underestimate the power of dua'. I underestimate Allah's power to change, to sort everything. Instead, I chose to cry and question and regret. I hate myself for being that way. I don't know. When I'm mad over someone, it affects my whole mood and you know what do I do? I choose to ignore them and stay quiet for that time being until I'm okay back and until my bad mood recovered. I'm scared that if I talk when I'm in anger, it will worsen. So yea, it's so so hard for me. I'm weak. I can't fake it.

Speaking of me, I hate it that I'm the only who always understand and notice their feelings and they do not do the same thing to me. I hate it that they rarely notice my changes in behaviour and mood like how I'm always aware of theirs. It sucks you know. Sometimes, I wish that I don't have feelings. I'm so easily offended over something. Even it's a small petty thing. But sure, it hits me right in the heart. My bro told me once that I'm so fragile. Haha. True. Literally and emotionally fragile. One day. my bro just touched me a little on the arm, but I felt so annoyed and it turned out that I felt pain on my arm. Since then, he always call me fragile. Emotionally? Oh yes, I easily cried, be it painful tears or happy tears. My gland is working very well haha.

So yea, that's it! I think I'm okay now. At least for now. I just hope that I'm gonna be really really strong and not to be affected easily by something unimportant and irrelevant. Till then, I'll catch you up soon with my next post. Bye! Assalamualaikum.