It Will Pass

It's dark and cold

I took out my long striped pants, my old shabby long sleeves t-shirt, and a pair of Alain Delon socks

I wore them all

Earpods inserted in, music's playing, I felt calm at the moment

The sorrow went away

The pain flew away

I sang along, danced along, imagining that I was the heroine in the music video

"Oh we made quite a mess babe, It's probably better off this way", I muttered the lyrics

"And I wish I could run to you, and I hope you know that every time I don't, I almost do"

This hit right in my heart

My heart skipped a beat

The feeling is surreal

I denied, and I changed the song, to stop me from overthinking

I turned off my phone, getting rid of the distraction

The evilest kind of intrusion

I took out my antibody notes

I tried to read it

"FAB region is the antigen binding site"

I thought, it's kind of easy

I continued reading

It's getting harder and harder

It seemed that I haven't learn a thing

It seemed blank

I realized, I was such a slow reader, slow learner

Everybody was 10 steps ahead of me

I was still on the first week's lecture note

And we were just getting ready to start our week 4

It knocked my heart and my conscience 

"Do I deserve to be here?"

"Do I deserve to take somebody else's place?"

I shed my tears with the end of my t-shirt's sleeves

I felt weak and delicate

I took back my cellphone

And 'All Falls Down' started to play in my head

It's midnight

I checked my notification on my cellphone

Nothing was up

I bet, perhaps it was the wifi

I refreshed again and again

Nothing

The moment that I felt down

The moment that I was at my worst

The moment that I needed help

The moment that I needed shoulder to cry on

The moment that I needed ears to spill to

No one was there 

No one asked, "How's your day?"

No one asked, "Are you okay?"

I threw away my phone

The tension was there, but I was not that strong to let it all out

I was not a fan of attention

I chose to be introverted

I remained silent 

I turned off the lights

It was my favorite part of the day

Keeping myself in my mom's cold fluffy old blanket 

Changing the fan level to the slowest

I lay down on my bed with a soft pink bed sheet on it

I tried to close my eyes

I tried

But I kept on overthinking of the consequences 

Of what would happen next

"What's next, what's next?", I murmured 

It disturbed my mind

I  got up and stood on my feet

I took my ablution

I spread my praying mat

I know it's the perfect remedy for my bad day

In the last sujood, I made dua'

I spoke my loved ones' names'

I told God how I was feeling

I told God how I was struggling 

I told God how I have been tormenting

And I told God, 

Why was I thinking this way

Why was I acting like a child

Why couldn't I remain patient

I know He would answer my prayers

Sooner or later

Thus that put me in ease

At the end of the day

I realized one thing
It was just a bad day, not a bad life
I thought, 

When we are stranded at our lowest point

The turning point is 

Get back to God

Pray and make dua'

Make dua'

And make dua'

Later I realized

God had answered my prayers one by one

I didn't even realise that

Until I tried to solve the puzzles

It was done

That was it

I might could not memorise the way that led to it

But I knew it was already done, beautifully

It shall pass

It will pass