care to read?

It's 12.22 a.m., Thursday morning. I felt like I wanna do a vlog but since I'll be emotionally speaking in the video, lets call it a day. So, basically, Im just gonna write in here.

This day, today, just now, and right now, at the moment, I am experiencing a total mental breakdown. In the old days, I didnt even know the causes of me, being breakdown. But now, I knew it. Mix of problems and overthinking stuffs. I've never felt like this before. I dont know how to describe it, but it seems that my heart has been crumbled, my brain feels like exploding, my tears come pouring down, my body is shaking, muscle cramps, basically, everything is not fine. I wanna cry to someone's shoulder, I wanna express everything but that person is not here. That person is like so unknown?? I dont know mayn, I dont wanna tell my mom about this cause she'll be worried sick. I dont want that to happen.

1) I just got my exam result. It isnt good at all. I'm disappointed with myself. I felt stupid and dumb and slow.

2) It is just so hard to fathom and memorize the lectures, Im so slow that i cannot even understand it. And i start to cry whenever I cant digest something in the lecture notes, like just now.

3) Tomorrow is gonna be a meeting with my mentor. I dont mind, cause I wanna tell what i feel to my mentor. But, we go in groups, the mentees. I dont want that. Im the stupidest among them, so for sure I'll be terribly looking like an idiot for getting the worst result, twice (plus the previous minitest). So, i overthink about it on how am i going to avoid from going with them. I want to meet my mentor personally. It's like privacy huh??

4) Homesick strikes. I miss my mom. I miss my family. I wanna go home. I wanna forget about all these things for a while. These are just too many for me to endure. My body is getting week. My brain is getting weak.

5) Tennis competition is gonna be on Friday evening. Im not even ready. I suck at it. It pressures me a lot since everyone else is good, and im lacking in it. I look like a friggin newbie (well it's true) but im the worst. Im so scared. Im scared that ill be having panic attack. Im nervous.

6) I want people to text me good 'things' everyday. I want to be received such meaningful and good quotes, poems, or any good vibes. It helps me in enduring my day. How to tell that person in order to be doing that?

7) Im just tired of everything. My sleeping schedule is going madly crazy right now, I sleep whenever i feel tired. Even in the class, in between maghrib and isya. Everything is just so tiring.

So, to whoever has read this, I, humbly beg you guys to pray for me, to be able to endure all these things successfully. It's too much to ask, but I am in need of supports and motivation. Thanks, Asslamualaikum :)